I recently met with a friend I had not seen for many years. In the years we have been apart, my friend has experienced heartbreaking tragedy. When we finally had the chance to get together, the first thing I noticed about her was her gentleness. She is one of the gentlest people I know and despite her pain and suffering, or maybe because of her pain and suffering, gentleness remains her gift. Her relational gift of gentleness, a gift I do not think she is aware of, makes me feel safe, welcomed, and restful. When visiting with her, I enter a healing space that nourishes and renews me in profound ways.
I have two one-year-old granddaughters. If I get the chance to be with one of them by myself, I love to follow her around letting her show me what she sees. I make sure she stays safe, but I let her lead, entering her silent encounter with the world around her. I find the gentleness within me stirred by the presence of babies and small children because babies and small children thrive on gentleness. Truth told, we all thrive on gentleness, but because we do not live in a gentle world, we often lose sight of this truth.
In his letters, the apostle Paul talks about gentleness. In his letter to the Colossians, he tells us that as God’s chosen ones, we should clothe ourselves in gentleness (Col 3:12). In Galatians, he tells us that gentleness is the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22). If gentleness is our clothing, it is a quality others should see when they meet us. As the fruit of the Spirit though, gentleness is not a quality we master, earn, or work toward. Instead, it grows within us through our relationship with God. If our relationship with God shapes us in gentleness, it follows that God is gentle.
Jesus tells us he is gentle when he invites us to leave the harsh demands of the world behind and come to him,
Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
Because we do not live in a gentle world, finding ways to rest in the gentleness of God is not easy or obvious. For me, one path toward resting in God’s gentleness is to practice being gentle with myself. I find that the harsh demands of the world find their way into my physical body causing me to rush from place to place and from task to task, to carry tension in my neck, to take shallow breaths, and to hurry past people who might want or need my time and attention. When I remember God’s gentleness, I slow down. I recognize my limitations and take one task at a time, trusting that God will give me the time to complete what is needed. I gently let go of the tension in my neck and allow myself to take deeper, slower breaths. Through these small physical adjustments, I find spaciousness. I may only be able to glimpse that spaciousness momentarily, but seeing it for even a brief moment encourages me to practice living in more restful, restorative ways. When I am gentle with myself, that gentleness spills over to others. Gentleness is a relational virtue and the heartbeat of a healthy community. Most importantly, when I find gentleness within myself, I find God ever-present in the smallest moments of life.
When the harshness of the world colors our vision, we look for a powerful God to tame the harshness. We look for God in a mighty wind, an earthquake or a fire. But when we allow gentleness to soften our vision, then we can hear God all around us in the oceans deep sound of sheer silence (I Kings 19:11-12).
Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.
Francis de Sales
